5 Stupid Things Christians Need to Stop Saying

Some of my greatest pet peeves of all time come from hanging around the proverbial Christian bubble. I broke the bubble a long time ago and don't hang around Christians exclusively, so thankfully I don’t hear this stuff very often. But when I do, man it irks my nerves and then some. Here are five stupid things Christians need to stop saying, like right now. Or yesterday. That works too…

1. “It’s not a religion, it’s a relationship.”

Cue the video with a millennial talking, standing outside with a historic church building in the background. This one drives me crazy. It’s not me, it’s you (meaning, this statement). This one has to go. Christianity is not a private faith, it’s a public faith. When Jesus died on the cross, was he crucified in solitary confinement? No. He died in a public space, where people on a public road passed by to witness his death. This makes being a Christian not only a personal act or decision but a very public one. (Remember when Jesus said something along the lines of, “If anyone denies me in front of others I’ll deny him before the Father?”)

If it’s public, then it’s a public religion that you are either part of or you’re not. If you’re in a relationship with Jesus, then you also belong to his church (the body of Christ, to which Jesus is the head). Entering into a relationship with Jesus begins with baptism, which is a religious thing to do. It’s a religious rite, called a “sacrament” that ushers us into the family of God—marking us out from the world and saying before the world, “This one belongs to the Triune God.” You can’t get more religious than that.

When we say “Christianity is not a religion, it’s a relationship,” it's misleading and makes it sound like it's just me and Jesus inside of my wee little heart. But that's not the Christian faith. Sure, each Christian has a relationship with God in Christ—I get that, but Christianity is still a religion and carries with it doctrines (teachings) that we must believe if we are following Jesus. God is triune, Jesus was truly God and man, etc.

2. “Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

It’s time to let this one go. Evangelical Christians can probably recite this one with more certainty than John 3:16, but it’s a phrase found nowhere in the Holy Bible. It never made it in David’s Psalms. It didn’t make the 10 commandment list. And it was never penned by Saint Paul.

So where then does it come from? Some people cite Saint Augustine of Hippo (circa 424 AD) for this saying, but in his 211 Letter he actually just said, “With love for mankind and hatred of sins.” (Not really translating to this popular phrase, at all.)

It was hundreds of years later in 1929 when Mohandas Gandhi said it in his autobiography. “Hate the sin and not the sinner.” It sounds like a nice proverb, but it isn’t Christian. So let’s stop saying it. Because when we say it and try to implement it, our hatred of the sin always gets in the way of coming close to loving the sinner.

As we “hate the sin,” we just stiff-arm the person we claim to love. Now when we see that person, all we look at and tend to focus on is the sin that it is we see them committing that makes them less obedient to God than us. (Another problem with this right off the bat, is that Jesus warned us about pulling the plank out of our own eye first before judging the spec in our brother’s eye…oh well. That’s biblical.)

It’s as if we are saying with our actions, “I love you, but only to a point. I love you as long as there is nothing that I don't like about you. But if I find something, well, then my love for you stops.” The problem with this is, aside from failing to view each person as being made in the image of God, we also fail to seek to love them as God has loved us. And it makes us crusty and bitter and judgy. Who wants to be around that?

It’s better for Christians to lead with the gospel and with the image of God than with ethics. Ethics come, but they come as we grow up into the perfect icon of God (Colossians 1), Jesus Christ himself. The Holy Spirit convicts us of our sins, and it’s God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (not his stiff upper lip). So let’s stop saying this one, yeah?

3. “When God closes the door, he opens a window!”

This one is pure optimism. That is all.

But what happens when God closes the door and boards up the windows too in someone’s life? Then what? This is a dumb statement.

It’s dumb because we don’t know what’s next. We can hope that when a person faces job loss, or sudden unexpected death of a loved one, or an unwanted diagnosis, that there will be better days this side of heaven. But we don’t know that for sure. Brighter days may only come in glory. We might be suffering for a long time before that though. That's what happened to various Christians throughout church history, why couldn’t it also be our destiny? Jesus suffered a buttload, why do we think somehow we are going to escape it?

Sometimes the door is shut, the windows are boarded up, and the house even burns down. That’s okay, because no matter what happens, “I am not my own, but belong in body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful savior Jesus Christ” (Heidelberg Catechism Q/A 1).

Like most of these pithy statements, they are last-gasp attempts to comfort someone when we don’t know what else to say. So why not say nothing? Just food for thought…

4. “God said it. I believe it. That settles it!”

The problem with this saying is that there are a lot of things that God has said in the Bible, and that means a lot of things inside of the Bible can be used and twisted to suit unintended purposes and have harmful consequences. For example, in the Garden of Eden, the wicked serpent used God's own words and twisted them to convince Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit (Genesis 3). “Did God actually say ‘you shall not eat of any tree in the garden?’” when God actually said, “You may eat of any tree in the garden, except for that one over there.”

People use and abuse Scripture to suit their own ends all the time. But there are steps to understanding what the Bible says and does not say. The words in the Bible must be interpreted through prayerful rigorous study that uses literary context, semantics and syntax, and historical understanding, all weighed against the history of interpretation in order to arrive at a trustworthy understanding of what is being said. This process goes well beyond just reading a verse, closing the good book, and saying “Ah ha! Got you!” to our “enemies.” That's just dumb.

Additionally, appealing to the Bible on its own in an age of skepticism doesn’t do anything to help a conversation move forward. Ultimately, yes, a Christian believes the Bible because God authored and authorized it and we trust him, but that doesn’t mean we believe the Bible is authoritative without reason. There are credible, reliable reasons to believe that the Bible is the Word of God and carries with it an authority we shouldn't try to overrule with our subjective opinions. But when we say stuff like, “God said it. I believe it. That settles it!” well, this just shuts any and all conversation down. It’s arrogant and boastful (which are two things that God has said in the Bible shouldn’t mark his followers—oh well.)

5. “God won’t ever give you more than you can handle.”

Um, actually he will and he often does. He gave Jesus and the apostles so much for them to handle that most of them died. One of them (John) was sentenced to exile.

I’m pretty sure God can and does give us way more than we can handle.

But that doesn’t mean that well-meaning Christians won’t say this one during a moment of deep pain or crisis. It’s like saying “Everything happens for a reason,” when you don’t know what to say to someone. Well, how about we just don’t say anything at all? Or how about we use our brains a little and say real words of comfort to someone who is utterly broken and cast down in spirit due to bad circumstances?

As an alternative, maybe say, “Wow, you're going through so much right now. I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I’m here with you in your pain. Can I pray with you?”

6 Things I Learned from Michael Horton as His Student, Executive Assistant, Editor, and Friend

Actually, if I were to write a blog post on all the things Michael Horton has taught me they’d form a book, not a blog post.

He was the first living contemporary Reformed theologian I had ever read, and since stumbling upon Putting Amazing Back Into Grace in an old bookstore in North Park back as a college student I made sure it wasn’t going to be my last. (And yes, for San Diego longtime locals that’s the same bookstore that was once Evangelical Bible Bookstore and is nowadays home to an amazing brewery—shoutout to Mike Hess!).

I soaked up his dogmatics, systematic, popular works, oldest works (ever hear of or read Mission Accomplished (1986), We Believe (1998), The Agony of Deceit (1990) or Made in America (1991)? Yeah, didn’t think so. :p), essays, articles, talks, and sat under his superb teaching for four years in seminary, went to as many conferences as I could where he spoke, and worked for him at White Horse Inn—soaking in the theology of the Francis Turretin or Petrus Van Mastricht of our time. 

Sure, I was a big fan. It was borderline idolatry but, if you’ve ever been around a theological giant (who is not 6 feet tall) you’d understand.

Although the bulk of his teaching is something available to all who would “take up and read,” not everybody has the opportunity to see who Mike is behind the scenes and get to know the author who writes endless pages. All that to say, he’s taught me far more than I can articulate in one blog post and I’m thankful to God that I’ve had the opportunity in my lifetime to get to know him and his family over the years.

Here are six things I learned from Michael Horton, the person, not just the author of numerous books ;).

1. A Christian is humble.

When I was his Executive Assistant, I saw a man who was humble enough to be corrected by anyone. And I mean, anyone. He would often answer emails from people who clearly had no idea what they were talking about, and yet, he wouldn’t belittle them or use his theological expertise to squish them but would graciously and patiently listen to them.

For the first time in my life, I witnessed someone who could theologically crush just about anyone—the equivalent of MARVEL’s Titan, Thanos—choose to be gentle and lowly instead. It was a remarkable witness to the humility of Christ and has left a deep mark on me in my own ministry. It’s not just about being right. Christians are called to both “get the gospel right and to get the gospel out.”

2. A Christian is kind.

Every morning that he came into the office, Mike would say hello to “the least of these.” From the administrative assistant near the front door to our writing staff, it didn’t matter who—Mike was ready to greet every image-bearer in the room on his way to grab a Diet Dr. Pepper from the mini-fridge. This small thing reinforced that great Reformation teaching of God wearing a mask in our neighbor. When we greet another person, or befriend the other, or ask how they are doing, or offer a cup of water, we are greeting, even befriending Christ. God wears many masks.

3. A Christian is free to enjoy life.

As I look back to the moments we shared together and with others, whether it was a ride to the airport, a graduation or ordination celebration, a backyard hangout, a lunch, family dinner, or a cigar outside in the sun, I saw a man who was able to appreciate the good gifts of God in all of life.

Christians do suffer, but we aren’t masochists. We can appreciate the good things that God generously gives us in this life and thank him for these gifts, with a cheerful spirit. Sometimes even, while enjoying a good dram full of a “spirit”! ;)

4. A Christian suffers, yet still glorifies and serves God in everything.

You don’t write A Place for Weakness without God making plenty of room for weakness in your own life. From over a decade ago to the present, Mike has taught me the truth and the somewhat harsh reality that every Christian suffers.

He is no stranger to suffering—from watching loved ones and mentors die to living with excruciating back pain. But his hopeful response to suffering is what has always stuck with me.

In the midst of weakness, he continues to serve the Lord as he is able with what he has in front of him. He lives with gospel hopefulness.

Michael Horton once told a small group of us, “The problem with Christians is not that they aren’t where they should be. The problem with Christians is they aren’t who they should be where God has called them to be.”

I remember when his back injury happened and watched that long road to what would hopefully be a recovery but has remained to be continual pain... In spite of the personal pain he experiences, Mike is a joyful person to be around. He’s sincere as a friend and colleague and seeks to serve Christ in everything. Of course, like any sinner-saint, he fails to do this perfectly and isn’t the gospel. But that’s what makes Mike so great. He points others around him to the gospel, not to himself.

5. A Christian shows charity.

As one of his students, I often observed an emphasis on assuming the best about others from Mike. He emphasized this especially in his Doctrine of the Church class at Westminster Seminary California (WSC), but throughout all of his written works and his personal correspondences, Mike is an incredibly charitable person toward those outside of his own theological tent.

Where Reformed folk tend to circle the wagons, Mike would engage with others far outside the Reformed tradition noting carefully where there are disagreements, while still pointing out similarities or things to learn from other traditions. He’s able to synthesize and learn from others in the best of ways. I love that.

Mike also teaches all of his students to value others’ work enough to fairly critique it. You don’t have the right to critique someone else if you haven’t taken the time to understand them and critique them on their own terms. True to form and to this day, among my Eastern Orthodox scholarly friends I still hear, “Michael Horton gets us.”

6. A Christian is all about the gospel.

I think it was Kevin DeYoung who came to speak at my seminary when I was a student there, and he mentioned different personalities who were about x, y, or z. And when he came to mention Michael Horton, what he said about him was something like, “And Mike, well, he’s about the gospel.” And he just left it right there.

Well, that’s not a bad thing to be identified by and known for!

And from the first time I read Mike’s words in Putting Amazing Back Into Grace, he has always been all about the gospel, to the last hangout I had with him—the gospel was the main thing to encourage us, weary pilgrims, on the way to Zion. 

And with that, I know this post has been about what Michael Horton has taught me, but in all the ways he’s taught at his best, it’s only because of the gospel of grace that he has on his lips and has typed on his keyboard that he has been able to do it.

Thank you, Mike, for teaching me more about what it’s like to be a disciple of Jesus. I praise God for his work through you and continue to pray for you and your family regularly. And more importantly than any of us, I thank God for the gospel that is “the power of God unto salvation,” for sinners like us.