In titling this blog post, I chose the words “mental illness” instead of “mental health” because that’s how it’s talked about. People with depression, anxiety, PTSD, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder are categorized as the mentally ill. Throw them all in an asylum—not just any asylum but an “insane asylum.” If someone doesn’t say it, they think it. And if you aren’t personally thinking it, then the person who is facing the struggle is thinking that you’re thinking it and so the person struggling is believing it.
Words are powerful. And so words can be harmful.
This is stigma.
And the stigma arises from a silent enemy, the culprit called shame.
Today I want to dive a bit into the shame of mental illness.
I believe that talking about mental illness in honest and healthy ways can lead us down a path toward mental health, treatment, and recovery.
I believe that the worst thing anyone can do is bury, hide, or cover up issues related to mental health. Just as I believe the worst thing anyone can do in a relationship is to bury, hide, or cover up what needs to be known in order for there to be peace and harmony in the relationship—or even reconciliation if need be.
As a Christian, I believe in an old story told very long ago. And this story informs me of some of the deeper dynamics at play surrounding mental illness.
The story goes like this.
A married couple lived in a garden, and they are described as being both naked and unashamed.
But in that garden, they were tempted and they sinned. Once they sinned, they wanted to hide—for fear of being found out. So they covered up their nakedness with fig leaves and they go into hiding. Hearing the sound of the Creator in the garden calling out, “Where are you?” they remain in hiding.
Well in the story, the God who made this couple asks them, “Who told you that you were naked?” (Genesis 3:11). The implication of this question is that their unashamed-ness has now become shamed-ness.
Shame told this couple that they were naked and needed covering up. Shame told this couple to become hush-hush about their sin, and to instead put a blanket over it and press on.
This ancient story has a lot to teach us about how we approach mental illness and journey into the realm of mental health.
We tend to do the same thing that they did when it comes to mental health. We cover up. We hide. We are hush-hush. And people suffer all the more because of it. By evaluating psychology autopsy’s, one study has shown that over 90% of those who have died by suicide had a mental health condition. By not talking about mental health, we encourage people to go it alone and ignore treatment which in turn leads to a greater risk for suicide.
Instead of burying, covering up, or hiding, we need to press into the uncomfortable if we are ever going to experience healing, or help others to experience healing.
Like the age old story, shame tells a person who is facing a mental illness that they are “crazy.” If they ask for help, others might think of them as “weak.” If they share what they are really dealing with, then they might face work discrimination or others might view them as incompetent.
Or maybe there are people who don’t believe the person and for whatever reason they just can’t accept that they’re suffering. This adds to the shame.
If they are a Christian, there might even be a deeper shame associated with a mental illness because the community they are around is telling them to trust God more. “If you take medicine, you’re not really trusting God.” “Have enough faith!” And the shame piles on.
There is a better way for all of us.
We can start to believe the message that it’s okay not to be okay. We can start to have healthier conversations about mental health. And this can lead us to share the burden we carry of our real struggles, our deepest pains, our nursing wounds—and by doing this we can begin to break down the stigma and remove the fig leaf of shame that keeps us away from experiencing healing.
Words are powerful. Let’s use our words to save and enrich lives.
If you would like to learn more about shame, I highly recommend the work of Curt Thompson. You can read his book, The Soul of Shame, to understand more about shame and how it impacts us and the world around us.